I’m likely in the last days of Shamille’s life. A few months ago she was diagnosed with cancer. We’re not totally sure since she is too old to think about biopsy or complex diagnostics. I did decide to give her prednisolone to help ease her labored breathing. It gave me a few extra months with her. She’s not doing much these days, not eating anymore, just fading away. She still looks great, those big eyes of hers still melt my heart. She’s so fuzzy it hides her emaciated frame.
I’ve been losing pieces of her for the last few months. First she stopped sitting with me for many hours a day. My studio and office felt emptier, even though I still have her sister there. It’s just not the same. I miss the warmth and daily snuggling. Until this past week she’d still get up and greet me at the door when she had the energy. I find myself not wanting to leave for long wondering if she’ll still be here when I return.
I’ve always been allergic to her so we kept her out of our bedroom for many years. Once she was sick, I insisted she sleep with us. She’s spent the last few months between our hearts purring softly off and on all night. It gave me a sense of getting more time with her.
She has been totally zen with the whole dying process. I wish I could say the same for me. There have been times I thought my heart was literally breaking. I’m still wondering if my whole being will shatter when she goes. Feels like it might. I just don’t know, I’ve never been so close to a pet before.
She’s not purring much anymore. I really miss it. There is something deeply soothing about a purr. It has gotten me through many challenging times over the last 14 years. Every time I felt upset or if I raised my voice she would come running from where ever she was to soothe me. She has been salve for my heart and soul.
Pets are magic. I’m so grateful for the years I’ve had with her.