ShamillelineOh kitty, I can tell you are having a hard time breathing. The hair in front of your back legs separating and spreading with each breath. Your tail switches to the short beat of each exhale. I see you shifting trying to get your neck forward, hoping to help the air pass more easily. The little puffs of air have no ease.

My heart feels like it is wrapped in barbed wire. The tightness makes it hard for me to take deep breaths too. At least I can consciously override the tension and make myself breathe deeper.

There is a searing hot pain between my shoulders like a sword is stuck in my back. The back of my neck is tight or maybe it’s the sides? I have a headache between my brows and my eyes burn. Cat allergy made worse by my insistence you get to sleep with us. The rest of the crew follows but they stay at our feet letting you take the prime spot between our heads.

Everyone seems to know. The other cats are nearby. Behaving. Even the usual spats around food have stopped.
Your fur looks different, not flawless from your usual meticulous grooming. It moves in small segments instead of each hair separately. It’s still soft, but greasier. Your eyes show the most, tired, mournful. Not distressed, at least not yet.

I wonder if your eyes will tell me when you don’t want to do this anymore? You don’t seem ready to go quite yet, but is that you? Or my reluctance to let you go? How can I trust myself to detach from my own emotion to see what you need? Is it unrealistic to even try?
~~

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11 Comments

  1. So sorry you are going through this. And I’ve found — yes, they let you know. When it was time to help our kitty end cancer, she looked at me and I knew.

    Sending hugs….

  2. So sorry you are going through this. And I’ve found — yes, they let you know. When it was time to help our kitty end cancer, she looked at me and I knew.

    Sending hugs….

  3. So sorry you are going through this. And I’ve found — yes, they let you know. When it was time to help our kitty end cancer, she looked at me and I knew.

    Sending hugs….

  4. So sorry you are going through this. And I’ve found — yes, they let you know. When it was time to help our kitty end cancer, she looked at me and I knew.

    Sending hugs….

    • This is comforting Lori. Thanks. I hope I will be clear when the time comes too.

  5. Sending love and positive energy…

  6. Sending love and positive energy…

  7. Sending love and positive energy…


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